If you ask me if i'm ready for next year, I would clearly say im not. I didnt do shit preparation for my another year of being a J1, and i dont plan to. It honestly feels as if ive given up on my studies. I know i've already disappointed tons of people, especially myself, and i truthfully dont want to go through another year of this shit. All that i can hope for is that my new classmates and batchmates will accept me socially and motivate me in continuing my studies. I dont need more competition. I really cant take it anymore. The shame is overwhelming. Just this morning one of my teachers asked if im okay. I just nodded my head and smiled. What could i have said? 'NO, OF COURSE NOT. I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP ON LIFE.' No right? Duh. Not that anyone cares or anything. People come and go, trying to cheer me up. But only we know nothing's ever gonna be the same. Only we understand what we're going through. All i can do right now is pray and hope. If i get more bad news or things that dont go my way again, i'll just break down, i tell you. I find myself not being able to trust anyone anymore. No one to turn to. It's slowly coming to me, and it's getting harder to face reality on my own. All i need now is support. Thats all i ask for.