skies are crying, but something's coming.

Sunday 29 January 2012

It's this feeling, i can't actually explain. It may sound like im exaggerating or over-thinking, but to me it's real. Tomorrow's gonna be the last day in school with only J2s being in it. And i feel kinda...exposed. And that whole 15Nov2011 feeling just keeps coming back. No, it's not that I don't want to get to know my new batch. As much as i want to be one of them, its obvious im not. It's a matter of getting used to. So orientation's starting this Tuesday, and i have no clue what's going to happen. Justtttt when im getting to know my fellow JC1 senior friends better and getting along with them, this has to happen. We have to be split up again. Get to know new people. I honestly don't know what to expect. The only favour TPJ could do for me right now is to put me into an OG with my friends who are OGLs. That's all i ask for to make my next few days good. So the issue here is just, social acceptance. I dont know where to bury my face if my new batchmates just keep looking down on me. I dont wanna lie, this is my blog and i have the right to say this. Not gonna keep it inside anymore. It kills me inside to know that my friends are all moving forward while im still stuck in this invisible timezone im in. It kills me to think that i can't cope this year as well. It kills me when all my parents do is instruct me to do shit when they know im perfectly capable of doing things in my own time. It kills me to have friends who are really happy in their OGL stuff. Dont get me wrong, i love them as much as i love myself, but there's always gonna be this something at the back of my mind saying i should have been one of them. I know there's always another chance, but it's never the same y'know?

Nevertheless, im honestly really really thankful for the people i have in my life right now, i really can't ask for much more. They're the reason im still living and breathing and trying my best to get over this stupidity i have in myself. I just hope my new friends can accept me for who i am like how the current people in my life have, instead of judging me based on what i have failed in achieving the past year.

I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky, like a bird so high, oh i might just try. I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky, like a bird so high, i think i might just try.

Sunday 8 January 2012

Here it comes,

So school officially starts tomorrow. & I honestly don't know what to expect. Seeing that the instructions for JC1 Seniors are to bring both PE Attire & writing materials, i have no freaking idea what im going to do. The least they could do was to give us a schedule or something, but no. Seeing my other J2 friends discuss their timetable & panicking over their imcomplete homework and all, I can't help but feel jealous. Jealous I wasn't hardworking enough to be experiencing all this pain now with them but instead have to suffer another year. Jealous that I was lazy & let procrastination conquer me. It hurts.
But what else can I do but move on? So to tell you the truth, I can't really describe how im feeling about tomorrow. Mixed feelings? Like excited, but not excited, ya know? Thank God for my group of friends who're gonna together with me to the assembly area first thing in the morning.
And not to forget, my 'probation' starts tomorrow. No outings, no computers, just me, my phone & all other school work I have. Even if i try to convince my parents that my actual lessons start next month, they wont listen to any of it. I can't imagine how i'll cope once the new batch of J1s come in. Let's pray and hope they'll be as nice & friendly as my batch, yeah.
So the next time you see me blogging, that'd be from my phone? Oh, thank God for iphones. <3

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Sunday 1 January 2012

Back to the beginning.

Hey it's the new year! & we're back to basics again. 2011 has ended and honestly, im kinda glad. No, not because 2011 was a bad year, but because a new year has started and i can start afresh. I can gladly say 2011 was a great year for me, not the best, but still great. Though i've experienced the lowest point in my life that year, with me being mentally, emotionally & physically unstable which led to many, many consequences, there were nonetheless some people and experiences I've gained that i will remember forever. The people i've met who stuck by me through the whole year, and hopefully will continue to do so in the years to come, are the best i could ever ask for. I cant deny that 2011 has opened my eyes to bigger challenges and great realisations. I've gotten it really bad this year, with the studies & drama and what shit, but isnt that just another typical year? So stepping into 2012, it's gonna be a new experience for me. Especially with the repeating & such. Many challenges to overcome but i bet with the help of family & friends, i can manage. So if you ask whats my new year resolutions, the first thing i say will be: To not be a total bitch with all that hate gossip & rumours, coz karma comes back around. Spoken from experience.


Siti, 17. Im still in progress. If that's clear enough to you. By other means: Tumblr The past is behind us; November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 Bituwin - template Dementee - image	Sunday 29 January 2012 It's this feeling, i can't actually explain. It may sound like im exaggerating or over-thinking, but to me it's real. Tomorrow's gonna be the last day in school with only J2s being in it. And i feel kinda...exposed. And that whole 15Nov2011 feeling just keeps coming back. No, it's not that I don't want to get to know my new batch. As much as i want to be one of them, its obvious im not. It's a matter of getting used to. So orientation's starting this Tuesday, and i have no clue what's going to happen. Justtttt when im getting to know my fellow JC1 senior friends better and getting along with them, this has to happen. We have to be split up again. Get to know new people. I honestly don't know what to expect. The only favour TPJ could do for me right now is to put me into an OG with my friends who are OGLs. That's all i ask for to make my next few days good. So the issue here is just, social acceptance. I dont know where to bury my face if my new batchmates just keep looking down on me. I dont wanna lie, this is my blog and i have the right to say this. Not gonna keep it inside anymore. It kills me inside to know that my friends are all moving forward while im still stuck in this invisible timezone im in. It kills me to think that i can't cope this year as well. It kills me when all my parents do is instruct me to do shit when they know im perfectly capable of doing things in my own time. It kills me to have friends who are really happy in their OGL stuff. Dont get me wrong, i love them as much as i love myself, but there's always gonna be this something at the back of my mind saying i should have been one of them. I know there's always another chance, but it's never the same y'know? Nevertheless, im honestly really really thankful for the people i have in my life right now, i really can't ask for much more. They're the reason im still living and breathing and trying my best to get over this stupidity i have in myself. I just hope my new friends can accept me for who i am like how the current people in my life have, instead of judging me based on what i have failed in achieving the past year. I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky, like a bird so high, oh i might just try. I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky, like a bird so high, i think i might just try. 21:08 · Sunday 8 January 2012 Here it comes, So school officially starts tomorrow. & I honestly don't know what to expect. Seeing that the instructions for JC1 Seniors are to bring both PE Attire & writing materials, i have no freaking idea what im going to do. The least they could do was to give us a schedule or something, but no. Seeing my other J2 friends discuss their timetable & panicking over their imcomplete homework and all, I can't help but feel jealous. Jealous I wasn't hardworking enough to be experiencing all this pain now with them but instead have to suffer another year. Jealous that I was lazy & let procrastination conquer me. It hurts. But what else can I do but move on? So to tell you the truth, I can't really describe how im feeling about tomorrow. Mixed feelings? Like excited, but not excited, ya know? Thank God for my group of friends who're gonna together with me to the assembly area first thing in the morning. And not to forget, my 'probation' starts tomorrow. No outings, no computers, just me, my phone & all other school work I have. Even if i try to convince my parents that my actual lessons start next month, they wont listen to any of it. I can't imagine how i'll cope once the new batch of J1s come in. Let's pray and hope they'll be as nice & friendly as my batch, yeah. So the next time you see me blogging, that'd be from my phone? Oh, thank God for iphones. <3 when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. 22:11 · Sunday 1 January 2012 Back to the beginning. Hey it's the new year! & we're back to basics again. 2011 has ended and honestly, im kinda glad. No, not because 2011 was a bad year, but because a new year has started and i can start afresh. I can gladly say 2011 was a great year for me, not the best, but still great. Though i've experienced the lowest point in my life that year, with me being mentally, emotionally & physically unstable which led to many, many consequences, there were nonetheless some people and experiences I've gained that i will remember forever. The people i've met who stuck by me through the whole year, and hopefully will continue to do so in the years to come, are the best i could ever ask for. I cant deny that 2011 has opened my eyes to bigger challenges and great realisations. I've gotten it really bad this year, with the studies & drama and what shit, but isnt that just another typical year? So stepping into 2012, it's gonna be a new experience for me. Especially with the repeating & such. Many challenges to overcome but i bet with the help of family & friends, i can manage. So if you ask whats my new year resolutions, the first thing i say will be: To not be a total bitch with all that hate gossip & rumours, coz karma comes back around. Spoken from experience. 13:42 ·