skies are crying, but something's coming.

Tuesday 27 December 2011

If you ask me if i'm ready for next year, I would clearly say im not. I didnt do shit preparation for my another year of being a J1, and i dont plan to. It honestly feels as if ive given up on my studies. I know i've already disappointed tons of people, especially myself, and i truthfully dont want to go through another year of this shit. All that i can hope for is that my new classmates and batchmates will accept me socially and motivate me in continuing my studies. I dont need more competition. I really cant take it anymore. The shame is overwhelming. Just this morning one of my teachers asked if im okay. I just nodded my head and smiled. What could i have said? 'NO, OF COURSE NOT. I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP ON LIFE.' No right? Duh. Not that anyone cares or anything. People come and go, trying to cheer me up. But only we know nothing's ever gonna be the same. Only we understand what we're going through. All i can do right now is pray and hope. If i get more bad news or things that dont go my way again, i'll just break down, i tell you. I find myself not being able to trust anyone anymore. No one to turn to. It's slowly coming to me, and it's getting harder to face reality on my own. All i need now is support. Thats all i ask for.

Friday 23 December 2011

Rose Syrup w a lil bit of condensed milk.

Hey yay. Back from that short trip to Bandung! I can't deny it was a fantastic experience but going there with people my age would be so much better. I mean, if i went to Bandung for that MLEP school trip, yep. That'd be the life. But anyway, going there with the F brothers were cool enough. I mean, they're the closest people i have to siblings, right? :)
So my favourite thing there was the WEATHER. I swear, in my 5 days there, i only perspired like 2 times. The weather should totally be like that in Singapore. Very cooling, with a little hint of warmth.
And yeah, some of the unforgettable things i experienced there was, buskers going up our Pariwisata bus just to sing and perform for us all the way to our next journey. Nothing's free, we still have to give them $ but it's worth it. They really have talent. & they have time to build up on that talent coz they can't afford to go to school. And may i say, the kids in Indon bring the name 'lepak' to a whole new level. After school, they just take their motorbikes and leather jackets & take a place under a huge bridge and waste time smoking & chillin. I kinda like their simple lives, minus the smoking part. They looked as if they're really having fun.
2nd thing, volcanoes & hot springs. Fuuuh. It was so awesome just looking down at the craters, and having the cool mist in your face at the top of the volcano. and the STRAWBERRIES. homaigod. I wish i could bring some more back here but it'd be rotten by then. The sweetest lil things you've ever tasted in your mouths , really. So yeah, hot springs in the cold weather, jizzz. But sadly that tour guide didn't tell us we were heading to the hot springs, we didnt bring extra clothes to bathe in. ): But nevertheless, superb experience playing w water.
Next, Trans Studio, aka the biggest indoor themepark. Here, i wanna reiterate that it'd be much better w kids our age. Going with both older & younger people kinda, spoils the mood, you know? Macam tak puas main gitu. Mehhhh still had an awesome time. My virgin experience rock climbing and i kinda reached the top? i guess. Being spun around on the Vertigo. Yeaaah.
and finally, THE SHOPPING. One thing i must say, i literally shopped till i dropped. Spent hours shopping each day with the retail therapy and successfully got myself a new wardrobe~

So anyway, it's really been an Indonesian holiday for me. Well, they say sometimes travelling is a form of avoiding reality. And as much as i want to avoid reality, i can't. School is starting in a few weeks time & I honestly dont know if i'm prepared to face another year of torture. Well, we'll see.

Sunday 18 December 2011

a place of peace.

KK11 +2 took over ECP yesterday! Well, technically KK11-2 +2 -1. Since Danny, Wani & Eli were absent. But it's okay, definitely tons more opportunities!

So well, we had a blast playing with the fine sand & splashing each other with the nasty saltwater. But what i realised was, how the beach was an exceptionally fine place to release all your tensions, and just be, free. Yes, you get me, like letting your soul be free. I didnt care how dirty I got or how sore my whole body was the next day, but yeah. It was just the thought of releasing all your frustrations and taking in the fresh air on the beach, it's just so calming and soothing to your soul.

So other than camwhoring, we were basically just having fun picnic-ing, playing games like twister and dog&bone and just, making a fool out of ourselves. Who cares if we were making a nuisance, it's the fucking beach, people.

So yep, the beach. the place of solitude, with friends. I mean, i know im being ironic but hey, dont i always?

and I so totally need to go to ECP again. This time, completely equipped. (with shovels & spades & buckets and no, im not kidding) Im so doubly on ready to make my beautiful sandvillages & sandflats. ( yes, not sandCASTLES)

Yup, so i'll be gone the next 5 days or so to Indonesia(again). But at least it's Bandung & not Jogja or Solo. Wish me luck in not experiencing anything phenomenal. And also, good news. Farihin checked and said the hotel mightv have wifi! InsyaAllah. Im so totally gonna lepak and shop shop shop shop~ Well, thats it.

Take care.

Wednesday 14 December 2011

IM BACK, BABY.

With the MLEP Trip & Bandfest over, it feels as if there's nothing more left to look forward to. I mean, those were the two biggest events i was looking forward to at the end of the year, and now they're over.

Dont get me wrong, it's just that these events totally made my year. After this horrid year i've faced.

Well, nothing left but to rewind time and talk about my experiences during the two big events right? So here goes.

MLEP TRIP <3

So here's the thing. Through this experience, ive benefited alot. Without this trip, i would never have met such a lovely bunch of people. Yes, i may be talking about the Indonesian people, but here im referring to my KK11. Spending 10days straight 24/7 (yes, literally 24/7) with the same people, im still not sick of them. In any case, I wanna spend more time with them if i can. I love my KK11. <3

Haha spare me, thats definitely not the only thing I've learnt through this trip. I've also learnt that Indonesia, though such a creepy country with many stories it may have, is still a lovely place. The students there are just the same with us here in Singapore, though more playful though. Gotta learn to control their hormones a little bit. So, i've learnt many new words & phrases, and finally managed to recite their version of the alphabet. It's not that hard afterall. Their Primary School is called SD, Secondary = SMP, Poly = SMK & JC = SMA.

Cool right. But their secondary school is only 3 years, hence we're older than them. They're really nice people, though. But it was really hard to communicate with them at first, but they kinda opened up later in the day.

The hotels we stayed in, hmm. Let's just say, we had many stories to tell after that. I shall not touch upon it. Hurhur. Stalkers + Spiritual stuff happening are definitely not we had in mind. Food was, basically rice + laukpauk + soup + crackers for breakfast, lunch & dinner. Not bad actually. Minus those easily digestible dietary fibre-ish foods we had to gobble up & end up rushing to the toilet every few hours.

Oh and yeah, my Kumpulan 1, we were in Seni Teater for the SMKN performance. Not really much, just dialogue & everything. But still, a great experience though.

Other than that, the best part of this trip, & what i looked forward to every night, was lepak sessions with KK11. We never fail to lepak every night, not forgetting our late night snacks with charades/KNiTE/murderer. & that night where all 11 of us slept in one room. God knows how we managed to squeeze 5 girls in two beds, but hey. Aches in the morning was worth it.

Not forgetting my IJC roommate, Nana. & since we're the only TPJ-IJ roomies, i was so lucky that we instantly cliqued + that she was willing to lepak with KK11 & loved it! So yup, basically the trip was fun, but with KK11 +2, it was unforgettable.

There's still so many things to say, like how we stepped into bullshit(yes, literally bullshit) & played in the mud at the Sawah Padi, getting our hands dirty playing with clay making pottery, doing batik paintings, going to schools & making new friends, and finally, the unsatisfactory shopping~ Hahaha. Well, this is one experience I'll never ever forget in my entire life.

BANDFEST 2011 <3

Another amazing band experience over, and i never thought bandfest would be this much fun. Before it even started, so many questions were running through my head. 'Omg, there'll be people from all the good schools, will they even be friendly?' 'Gah, travelling to NIE by ourselves everyday? Waking up early to do so? Oh the shit we do for band.' But hey, i dont regret a single minute of it. It was such a crazily unforgettable experience.

Being the SL for the flute section & also the shortest in the section is no joke. Forced to play the piccolo when i really didn't want to, but hey. Worth it.

& i swear, with the distance we had to travel in the MRT in the four days, i've never felt closer to my TPJCSW members. Well, i can say we made alot of noise in the MRT till some Filipino woman scolded us. Heh, this is the amount of fucks we gave to her >> 0. Yup, we played murderer & charades in the 'tunnel' of the MRT and it made our 45mins journey feel like just 5mins. Honestly, who would've known Khalis's and ShaoXuan's personality if you didn't talk to them? Haha. Seeing people break out of their shell? Honoured.

Other than that? The friends I've made from other schools. Wow, are they friendly. Well, most of them at least.

My sections consisting of people from ACJC, NJC, IJC, SAJC & JJC. I'd never thought we'd clique, but on the first day itself, we already did. We were already being the most enthu & noisiest section in the band. Hehe :) So yup, the next four days were really slow, just basically practices straight the whole day.

The last & final day was the most memorable one. CONCERT DAY.

In addition to my lovely KK11 coming down to support me, the camwhoring sessions were class. The performance didn't matter much after we were all high backstage. Literally, the whole Holst band was high backstage camwhoring & laughing like there's no tomorrow. And my section? we just took a corner all to ourselves & made mad poses. With the help of Ezzul, our concert master's photography skillls of course. But throughout the whole thing, the friends I've made, and the bond between the TPJCSW members will never be broken. I've sincerely felt that having put in the Holst band was definitely an honour to me. But also, friends I've made from other bands, you're great too :)

So well, thats it. KK11, Holst band, I salute you guys. For making my holidays a most desirable one. <3

What's left to look forward to now is the Bandung trip with the family, and the new year, to a new school year.

Sunday 4 December 2011

Kool Kidzxzx 11

Hiies, today i wanna make a special dedication to my favouritest group of people of all arhs, KK11! <3
Sumpah kentalness overload.
But you guys are so kental & so kool you make me melt everytime i think of you.

So.
All the boys,

And the girls,

We got it going on,

When the beat kicks in, you'll feel it in your bones.

hello tenofyou. i smile everytime i think about how merepek we are as a group.

Seriously, who in the right mind or age would storytell, play murderer, charades or sing stupidly in front of everyone? Most normal people would just gather in one room & lepak the whole night, watching tv and sing to songs. No, not us. We unique like that yo. Our lepak got class. & if people dont like that, screw them bitches. & also, our inside jokes are the best i swear. and so hopefully it doesnt go outside (HAHAH PUNNY. k no)

Okay so that's beside the point, but like you guys are honestly one of the bloodyawebloodysomebloodyest bunch of people I’ve ever had the cowoverthemoonrabbit’sfoot-luck of spending the Kem Sastera & MLEP Penyerapan Trip with. Whoever thought we'd be this close & i can't stand thinking of a day not being able to spend time with you guys.Though we bully, insult, trip(in fahmi's case), shout and raise each other's boiling points to a minimum of 100'C, you know we love each other. Partying all day & night bruh. Thats our slogan :) I hope we still stay as close as ever next year even though there are no more trips and that our conversations don’t disintegrate into touch and go hi’s and byes. Dont mind me for being too sentimental, im just expressing my love for you guys (hahaha joke)

K time for the individual comments about how much i ~~love~~ you guys. It'll be in random order so jangan insulted ke hape benda ah. (i honestly wrote 10 of your names on papers and chose out of a box k)

WANI BUNNY!~

HI WANI! You so cute likka bunnnyyyyy. Okay i bet you've been told that a million times but hey. First time here. hahahaha. Okay so my first impression of you was this petite, quiet looking girl with a really good nature. And guess what? I WAS RIGHT. We totally need more Wanis in the world and you know that. (can you multiply yourself please? hahaha) Nahhhh i just wish more people would be as patient as you. Thanks for just being in this world (hahah omg cheesy) and continue being the cute, hardworking & good person you are! <3

ALFY AMOS!~

Hello mamat! hahaha okay you can't deny that you look likka mat. but yay you're nice! Dont be insulted with us saying you look likka hyena with your HAAK HAAKK HAAKKK laughter yeah coz that's just the unique you! First impression? Those typical mat lepak bawah blok isap rokok. HAHAHA BUT WRONG. Thank God you dont smoke, anymore. Hekhek. You're hardworking la bro, continue at it yeah. & dont be so depressed you're changing classes next year ya. You still have Boobi with his dancing tongue & wooo-ing. Your singing to Isabella will bring you to far places, bruh. Stay charming & crazy yeah :D

DANNY BOIsachok!~

eh hello mat blur. i still remember you saying last year that we might end up being classmates in JC & guess what? WE DID! (for this year at least). Heh. Thank you for being so INNOCENT and tolerating each and everybody's nonsense kacauing you and everything. Seriously sia, i salute that. Tapi cheywahh someone dah maju ah? Likka mat already ah now. Haha but nvm la bro its good. Continue striving far & achieving your dreams yeah. & dont be an awkward turtle ah lolll. sick and tired of hearing people say you're a quiet guy & what not. Seriously? Every one of us know you're not ah please. you have good social skills so make use of it! ;D

SAKINA THE MINAH!~

hi budak-suka-cari-pasal-ngan-aku-eventhough-aku-budak-kental. HAHAHA. MUMMEHHHH ISABELLA!<3 Suka eh kacau budak2 kecik Munchkin macam aku pasal rokok tsk. Hahaha. but i understand. you're just the minah you areeeee. HAHA k lah enough kidding around. you're a very nice mummy la & i think you have the potential to be a real good mum in real too. (chey someone dah plan kan?) tapi jangan nakal2 & gian eh sakiii. hahaha honestly you've brought joy to our clique with your spasms & love of camwhoring & your touchmetouchme one more way to go~ Buat remix tau nanti!~ Heheheheh. Dont worry la baby i love you <3 Stay pretty & sexy *winkwink*

NAD THE MAKCIK!~

HIIIIIIIII HAJAR. Insyallah :) hekhek NADDDDDDDDDD. You and your spasms. Aku cannot tahannn. Why you sometimes so funny & other times so emo? Like two ends of the rod sia. But seriously, i think with us around now you shouldnt even have the term 'emo' in Nadzirah Halim's dictionary. One thing i can't forget about you was the 'knock you down' incident in your tudung sia seriously look like beef sausage. HAHAHAHAHA. Actually thats only one. there's so much joy to you Nad & even IF your life's mission wasn't to annoy & irritate the shit out of me, i think i'll still be irritated heeeeehe. thanks for being a cheeky classmate who's always there for help & support! i'll definitely miss being your classmate. BUT YAY. you can't bully me as much anymore >:) dont worry i love you like a love song babyyyyyyyyyyy. <3

DAYAN!~

Ehhhh be thankful im the only person who doesnt call you this. but hey. i dont even call you DAYANA. i call you 'eh.' HAHAHAH (can so imagine you saying 'babehhh' right now) So anywaaaaay, macam lamer aku dah kenal kau eh. no? Padehal less than a year. kinda appreciate you being in band wimme ah if not i'll be likka loner forever. hahaha so even though sometimes you might be loud and annoying with your tak perluness ftw & HEK HEK HEKKKK, you know i still love you babehh. betul2 macam radio ah. kau jangan selalu low self esteem ah coz you're just bringing yourself down. have a bit more thick skinness tapi jangan ego nak mampz kalau tak aku sepak muka kau. hehehehehehe. thanks for always being there too & hours spazzing with me over shit like sterling knight & more! cayanggggg kau <3

SYAFIQ BOOBI/FATTY/IRRITATITS!~

HI BITCHHHHH. I think if your life's mission is to irritate and insult everyone around you, you've successfully done so. Wah can't tank your irrits man. hahaha you;'re tongue dancing & your wooing and your cursing. hahaha but looking at the positives, you;re definitely a JOY to everyone around you. i mean come on, free entertainment. with the incidents like you being forced to crawl and shit, how is it possible for someone to be sad around you? you're such an encouraging person (in your own way at least) and really appreciate you sharing your experiences (though some may be awkwardly disgusting) with us :D

NATASYA!~

Hey doggehhh & babehhh. i know you like to talk like this so i willll. Aku tahu lah nama kau spelt as 'Natasha' but apparently MOE people didnt know that heheheheeheh. okay so you're my NEW FRIEND ah konon~ first impression? KAU NYE MATA SERAM SIA. Besar lagi tak nak? hehe & babehhhh didnt know you were so slow, slower than meeee. Hahahaha kau blur nak mampz ah kadang2 but nvm, finally i get someone to bully instead of kena bully. but dont be so easily bullied please haha. Nice doggie :D hahahaha but you're a nice babehhhhhh & its great getting to know you! <3

FAHMS aka FAHMEHHHHH!~

eh hi bruddderrrrr. kau sumpah the most annoying but easily tolerable person ive ever met. but if you didnt know this yet you really bring the K in the KOOLKIDZXZ ah. hahaha sometimes i dont understand why you like to irritate me so much with your 'ehh?' & 'like, okaaay ah' and many other retarded stuff you do. especially TRIPPING people. Tak cool bro, tak cool. aku jatuh kat tangga cam mane? Hahaha. your music taste has always been quite smiliar to mine ah so SPAZZZZZZ over Britney! So anyway, it's been a joy getting to know you & you dont know how relieved i am to find out we may be classmates next year. (i mean this in a really good way). kalau tak confirm aku awkward turtle sia serious. though it may feel like a tough time you're going through we'll go through this tgth k! (chey step feeling counsellor but sukahati aku ah) Work hard together ah! :D you're a really caring person and i think you obviously know that. stay that way k! people need you :D

KAK MIRAHbella!~

EH HELLO BRO. budak vulgar ngan her gangsterzxzx attitude. Piii dah. HAHAHA kidding bro. (in fear of being hit agaisnt the wall) You know i love you. And one thing i especially know about you, you're not and never will be a fake person. & what i learnt from you is, speak the truth no matter how much it hurts, coz it'll never hurt as much as when you find out people have been saying bad things about you. CHEH MIRAH WISE SEH. So anyway, you know you're awesome in your way (dont need me to tell you that). You're smart & knowledgeable that i admire you for your outgoing nature. how to be so brave ah? And dont always say your studies like maths are bad and everything coz it's definitely not. HAHAHA & get over the paranoia of yours ahhhh. tak suka ah asyik paranoid jeeee. (imagining myself speaking in makcik voice & you will ask me to shut up) haha. i know you'll miss me alotlotlot not being your classmate & organiser anymore but NEVERMIND YOU'LL FINDDD, SOMEONE LIKE MEEEEEEE!~ (better not ah)

LOVE YOU BABY <3

HAHAHAHA k wowzah that took me two hours to type. susahlah hidup macam gini. but heck, i'll do anything for my favourite bunch of people <3<3<3

cheers.

Munchkin xoxo