skies are crying, but something's coming.

Sunday, 24 June 2012

It's 4.40am & here I am still not asleep yet. Stoning in front of my SEA notes while Skyping with Dayan about, random stuff. Like we're literally stoning in front of the camera thingy coz tumblr is DEAD. So it's officially Sunday, the lasssssst day of the June holidays. And like, roughly 28 hours till the start of school & the start of my SAs. So Econs paper is up first, & i'm like really determined to get my good results for this particular subject since it was the one that failed me last year. But the question here is, will i be able to achieve that?
I live in this constant fear that my promo criteria will end up exactly the same as last year's, with me missing that measly part of 35% pass of all subjects. I guess im not alone though, the WeAreYoung group are sharing the exact same sentiments as me, constantly telling each other how scared we are and such. Well, thats one thing i'm quite pissed off about, is that some of those who managed to pass last year and go up to J2 this year are complaining that they should have just stayed as J1s last year. I mean, like you'd even have a choice. People really dont understand the pain and stereotypes that we have to go through daily, the high expectations from peers about academic results and also the difficulty in communicating with people from a different batch. Not to mention this constant fear of being superannuated. It's like we dont have a choice anymore. Dont get me wrong, the current batch really have awesome people & all, but having to leave your original batch of 10years or so is not easy, let me tell you that. So yeah, it's just opinion to those who keep whining that they want another year or so. It doesnt make JC life much easier, coz all of us want to get out of this hellhole as soon as possible, so let's just be thankful, shall we?
I guess that's it for munch's early morning rants. I bid you farewell and wish me luck for my exams! xoxo.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

As the month of June is quickly drawing to a close, i should really update how it's been and such. June has really been the highlight of my year, with two major events; Manifestasi 2012 & Hands For Hope, the last band concert for my J2 batch. :'(

Let me tell you how Manifestasi went, on 1st June 2012.

When i came into TPJC, I wasnt really the true-spirited Malay kid i consider myself now. I'd never have thought of taking part in MCS with dikir and such. Guess what? Totally no regrets. None at all. In fact, i swear i had the time of my life there. It's truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience, considering me having a chance from just performing in band for the past 8 years. The process was hard though, balancing time with dikir practices, band practices & studies. But it was all worth it in the end. & to those of you who think that dikir is easy, well think again. It's not all about clapping & shouting okay. It takes skill. Serious skill. & absolute resilience. I can't tell you how much pain & suffering my throat was experiencing through this process, but it was nonetheless and aboslutely unforgettable experience.

I love my Ayunan Dewi to bits.

Next, my TPJCSW's concert on 2nd June. And yes, i didnt get the date wrong. I had performances back to back. Here it is, my true passion for music. This concert officially marks the last performance for the J2 batch before they step down. For the limited amount of time we spent practicing, i could honestly say we put our all out for that performance & it was really good. But, the best was yet to come. We basically 'clubbed' in the band room after the concert, going crazy with mass dancing and shit. Had the time of our lives man, fooh. And yeah, i'll like miss my batchmates like crazy when cca restarts again, but till then, i still have to make up my mind on what to do, to stop and continue band after promos or just keep on going? Whatever it is, i'll definitely keep on loving my TPJCSW <3

& through all these activities and stress i've had to go through, im lucky im not the only one going through it alone. I'd just like to thank all these people who most prolly have had the same experiences & troubles wimme, and i couldnt have accomplished all this without them.

My one&only KK11+2

& my lovely 4NIM4L$

Other then those two magnificent events, my June holidays have been quite boring. With major focus being studies with SAs drawing fast, and my dad going to Umrah for 15days. Glad that his back safely and everything. Oh, not forgetting inviting friends over to my house to study & lepak. Confession: Not really thaaaaaaaat productive but yeah, i have fun & at least i'll try to do smth. One thing im deprived of though, OUTINGS WITH THE REST. Sigh. After SAs, after SAs.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

So it has finally come to my realisation that it's only a few months away till my batchmates step down from CCA & eventually graduate and leave TPJC forever. While i'm gonna be stuck here still mugging my ass off for my Alevels next year, InsyaAllah. I can't stand the thought of watching them leave without me & everything. I know im being a little bit hyperbolical since it's only an extra year, but it's just you know, that bitter feeling. That feeling that they're all off to somewhere better. & you're just... stuck there. That they're eventually forget you & the next time you meet up is when someone in your clique's gnna get married, or smth like that. I know everyone's gnna reassure me that everything's gonna be alright & we'll keep in touch and all, but that's apparently never the case for me. But don't get me wrong, i love having the company of my current batch, they're really awesome people and im sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, really thankful to have them in my life, but it's never the same ya know? I mean sometimes i feel really lost as to where i stand. If i chose to go with that particular group, would the people in the other group be offended? I ask myself that everytime. Coz it's really a dilemma for me everytime. Coz that's how i am you see, always wanting to please people except myself. Sometimes i honestly do wish i could turn back time to where my mistakes started. But if i did that, i wouldnt have met my current batch of fantastic friends.You see my dilemma now? And that's only the minor part. It would take me days to actually give you the full story.

Yeah so anyway, seeing your batchmates leave. It's just gnna be really emotionally painful for me i guess. I mean, if im already feeling this way like months before they officially graduate, i can't imagine what i would actually do when it really does finally happen. I just hope i wont lose that motivation to go to school & such. Coz if i do, what's the whole point of repeating another year right?

Sunday, 29 April 2012

I dont think this obsession is normal for me. I havent been this obessessed for quite long. Actually, i just can't remember the last time I felt like this. If something, or someone, keeps popping up in your dreams, what does it mean? I should stop overthinking. & getting disracted over it. Im really affected by this. And to think i promised myself that i could let go. That i could stay strong. But no. Seriously. I can't let anything get in my way.

If so, how am i supposed to survive next year?

Monday, 27 February 2012

Things have been good these few days. I know it's been awhile since I last updated but i've been having this diary to keep me company. So i promised to tell you about the new batch of J1s didnt i? Well, honestly, they've been great. Totally didnt expect them to be as accepting towards me as they are currently, & they're a hyper bunch of individuals. The new class is great to, and with half of them being '94 kids, i dont feel left out at all. My new teachers are as patient as ever.
But in all the goodness, i still can't help but feel... troubled. Like just yesterday while i was doing my work, the fear of not being able to promote this year struck me. Like, the possibility of it being there is just....urgh. But whatever. I guess i still have yet to find my drive and motivation in doing my best.

No less than best.


Siti, 17. Im still in progress. If that's clear enough to you. By other means: Tumblr The past is behind us; November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 Bituwin - template Dementee - image	Sunday, 24 June 2012 It's 4.40am & here I am still not asleep yet. Stoning in front of my SEA notes while Skyping with Dayan about, random stuff. Like we're literally stoning in front of the camera thingy coz tumblr is DEAD. So it's officially Sunday, the lasssssst day of the June holidays. And like, roughly 28 hours till the start of school & the start of my SAs. So Econs paper is up first, & i'm like really determined to get my good results for this particular subject since it was the one that failed me last year. But the question here is, will i be able to achieve that? I live in this constant fear that my promo criteria will end up exactly the same as last year's, with me missing that measly part of 35% pass of all subjects. I guess im not alone though, the WeAreYoung group are sharing the exact same sentiments as me, constantly telling each other how scared we are and such. Well, thats one thing i'm quite pissed off about, is that some of those who managed to pass last year and go up to J2 this year are complaining that they should have just stayed as J1s last year. I mean, like you'd even have a choice. People really dont understand the pain and stereotypes that we have to go through daily, the high expectations from peers about academic results and also the difficulty in communicating with people from a different batch. Not to mention this constant fear of being superannuated. It's like we dont have a choice anymore. Dont get me wrong, the current batch really have awesome people & all, but having to leave your original batch of 10years or so is not easy, let me tell you that. So yeah, it's just opinion to those who keep whining that they want another year or so. It doesnt make JC life much easier, coz all of us want to get out of this hellhole as soon as possible, so let's just be thankful, shall we? I guess that's it for munch's early morning rants. I bid you farewell and wish me luck for my exams! xoxo. 04:51 · Thursday, 21 June 2012 As the month of June is quickly drawing to a close, i should really update how it's been and such. June has really been the highlight of my year, with two major events; Manifestasi 2012 & Hands For Hope, the last band concert for my J2 batch. :'( Let me tell you how Manifestasi went, on 1st June 2012. When i came into TPJC, I wasnt really the true-spirited Malay kid i consider myself now. I'd never have thought of taking part in MCS with dikir and such. Guess what? Totally no regrets. None at all. In fact, i swear i had the time of my life there. It's truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience, considering me having a chance from just performing in band for the past 8 years. The process was hard though, balancing time with dikir practices, band practices & studies. But it was all worth it in the end. & to those of you who think that dikir is easy, well think again. It's not all about clapping & shouting okay. It takes skill. Serious skill. & absolute resilience. I can't tell you how much pain & suffering my throat was experiencing through this process, but it was nonetheless and aboslutely unforgettable experience. I love my Ayunan Dewi to bits. Next, my TPJCSW's concert on 2nd June. And yes, i didnt get the date wrong. I had performances back to back. Here it is, my true passion for music. This concert officially marks the last performance for the J2 batch before they step down. For the limited amount of time we spent practicing, i could honestly say we put our all out for that performance & it was really good. But, the best was yet to come. We basically 'clubbed' in the band room after the concert, going crazy with mass dancing and shit. Had the time of our lives man, fooh. And yeah, i'll like miss my batchmates like crazy when cca restarts again, but till then, i still have to make up my mind on what to do, to stop and continue band after promos or just keep on going? Whatever it is, i'll definitely keep on loving my TPJCSW <3 & through all these activities and stress i've had to go through, im lucky im not the only one going through it alone. I'd just like to thank all these people who most prolly have had the same experiences & troubles wimme, and i couldnt have accomplished all this without them. My one&only KK11+2 & my lovely 4NIM4L$ Other then those two magnificent events, my June holidays have been quite boring. With major focus being studies with SAs drawing fast, and my dad going to Umrah for 15days. Glad that his back safely and everything. Oh, not forgetting inviting friends over to my house to study & lepak. Confession: Not really thaaaaaaaat productive but yeah, i have fun & at least i'll try to do smth. One thing im deprived of though, OUTINGS WITH THE REST. Sigh. After SAs, after SAs. 19:08 · Sunday, 6 May 2012 So it has finally come to my realisation that it's only a few months away till my batchmates step down from CCA & eventually graduate and leave TPJC forever. While i'm gonna be stuck here still mugging my ass off for my Alevels next year, InsyaAllah. I can't stand the thought of watching them leave without me & everything. I know im being a little bit hyperbolical since it's only an extra year, but it's just you know, that bitter feeling. That feeling that they're all off to somewhere better. & you're just... stuck there. That they're eventually forget you & the next time you meet up is when someone in your clique's gnna get married, or smth like that. I know everyone's gnna reassure me that everything's gonna be alright & we'll keep in touch and all, but that's apparently never the case for me. But don't get me wrong, i love having the company of my current batch, they're really awesome people and im sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, really thankful to have them in my life, but it's never the same ya know? I mean sometimes i feel really lost as to where i stand. If i chose to go with that particular group, would the people in the other group be offended? I ask myself that everytime. Coz it's really a dilemma for me everytime. Coz that's how i am you see, always wanting to please people except myself. Sometimes i honestly do wish i could turn back time to where my mistakes started. But if i did that, i wouldnt have met my current batch of fantastic friends.You see my dilemma now? And that's only the minor part. It would take me days to actually give you the full story. Yeah so anyway, seeing your batchmates leave. It's just gnna be really emotionally painful for me i guess. I mean, if im already feeling this way like months before they officially graduate, i can't imagine what i would actually do when it really does finally happen. I just hope i wont lose that motivation to go to school & such. Coz if i do, what's the whole point of repeating another year right? 22:48 · Sunday, 29 April 2012 I dont think this obsession is normal for me. I havent been this obessessed for quite long. Actually, i just can't remember the last time I felt like this. If something, or someone, keeps popping up in your dreams, what does it mean? I should stop overthinking. & getting disracted over it. Im really affected by this. And to think i promised myself that i could let go. That i could stay strong. But no. Seriously. I can't let anything get in my way. If so, how am i supposed to survive next year? 13:54 · Monday, 27 February 2012 Things have been good these few days. I know it's been awhile since I last updated but i've been having this diary to keep me company. So i promised to tell you about the new batch of J1s didnt i? Well, honestly, they've been great. Totally didnt expect them to be as accepting towards me as they are currently, & they're a hyper bunch of individuals. The new class is great to, and with half of them being '94 kids, i dont feel left out at all. My new teachers are as patient as ever. But in all the goodness, i still can't help but feel... troubled. Like just yesterday while i was doing my work, the fear of not being able to promote this year struck me. Like, the possibility of it being there is just....urgh. But whatever. I guess i still have yet to find my drive and motivation in doing my best. No less than best. 21:54 ·